To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Ancient Human Ancestors,

Look, it's not like I'm meaning to be disrespectful. I know we all owe you a lot, and I'll admit you had some great ideas: the domestication of plants and animals, the wheel, fermented beverages, pyramid-building. Great ideas, all. But wearing clothes in the summer? Really?

I understand that losing your body fur was not a conscious decision. It was something that nature chose for you. I get that. So I can grasp that once you started migrating out to cooler climes that had real winters it was necessary to find a new way to trap heat close to your bodies. So far, I'm with you. But who was the genius that, come spring, said, "You know, these animal skins trap my body heat so well, I think I'm gonna keep this going"? And why, for the love of God (or gods, or whatever you believed in), did you LISTEN to this idiot rather than taking him (or her) outside the camp and stoning him as a heretic? He might even have made a nice human sacrifice.

But, no. Not only did you decide to run with this brilliant idea, some of you decided you liked it so much that clothes-wearing became the norm and the naked human body became taboo. For some unexplained reason, you decided that summertime is best spent sweaty, sticky, overheated and drenched in your own "natural scent."

I'm sure you had your reasons. But whatever they were, can they really have been worth it? I think, oh great humans of the past, it's time to do some deep soul-searching and think about what you've done. Because, frankly, you let us all down.

I'm working on a time machine right now. Think about what I've said. Maybe someday we can work something out. Until then, I remain

Your bewildered and irritable descendant,

Sara